For the first time in weeks I'm all by myself again! 

It's relaxing to be on my own with no one looking over my shoulder or listening to my sick giggling fits over random crap on the internet.

No, no... fear not, it won't last, the boy will probably be back tonight x__X
Anyway... I've plans! For tomorrow anyway... I will go to Doncaster Rd. Grab the tram to Docklands and shop and take touristy pictures until my toes fall off. Oh yes! 
And then maybe the Zoo on thursday, which should also be fun... and tomorrow I'll wander and see the important Melbourne sights.

THEN... I don't know... where I was going with this...

Oh right! Then a bit of a winge... I don't like people telling me what to do, especially not on things that are none of their business or that they know nothing about. For isntance I don't mind Peter telling me how to stand when filing the teeth. I do however mind him telling me I should not go back to Perth but straight home instead to start treating horses there.

I don't want to go home earlier, yes, I understand I'll lose some of my dexterity but nothing I won't be able to regain. I appreciate the concern but tell me to go home straight after once more and I will yell at you with lots of violent handmovements and uncouth language. I will stay out my Visa and THEN go home. And I'll bloody start working when I'm good and ready and no sooner.

In that same regard; asking me if I'm going to go up to Brisbane and such, I tell him probably not since I don't have the money as I don't have a job. Then he suggests maybe going up there to work with another dentist that her trained, would give me some extra experience. COOL! Right? Except for the part where I'd have to pay for the ticket to get there. Pay for board and lodging and ... not get paid for working. Did you NOT hear how I said I couldn't afford to go there? So what the hell makes you think I can afford to go there to work for someone and not get paid for it? If I had that kind of money, I'd be going there to be a proper tourist...!

Yes, yes, gain experience blah blah... I can gain experience on my own. And I'd rather do it later and make money from it, than sooner and put myself deeper in debt.

</whine > Tired of people, this break is sooooo needed. I might kill someone if I have to smile and be polite and non-responsive once more.

So another day spend at the knackery to get filing techniques down. And it was the worst day yet. x__x

They were doing a ton of horses, because it's a monday and they're clearing out or something so they were quite fast with the turn out and stuff. But it's was... just... awful. George can't hoot worht shit and we got to see the killing today, not that we wanted to but when you hear a loud bang and horses freaking out whether you want to or not you turn around to see the second one get shot =/

Anyway.. .aside from that... did alright, filing went pretty good except I bugger my knee getting up, twisted it or something so tat hurt like a bitch and effectively stopped me from crouching down again and continuing my work D=
I was quite upset about that, there were tears because I was feeling like shit already (I think I caught a cold or something.. or swine flu) so I had a massive headache, the whole knakcery experience was just terrible today AND buggered my knee something awful.

After we got home I had a bit of lunch (sushi!) and then went for a good long nap while stoned by painkillers, feeling much better now but am now just annoyed I didn't get to finish the teeth on the horse head...

Anyway! Before I broke myself, Peter took some pictures of us working dilligently on our bloody patients. So for those with a macabre fascination I'll post some. I'll post them from least bloody to most bloody so if you feel it's getting too much, it'll only get worse.

They're not TERRIBLE, in fact the pictures make it look a lot cleaner than it really is in the knackery, and there's no pictures of the carcasses, just the heads... weak stomached people might not wanna look though...

( Under a cut for obvious reasons... )

The pictures don't half convey what it's really like, in fact, the pictures make it look really clean and tidy!

Tomorrow we go up north, I probalby won't be around until friiiday.

Back from holidaying it p down south! 

Saw dolphins! *crosses off from checklist*
Saw lots of trees
Saw some caves
I live, Bexx lives.
Pemberton doesn't have the internet, the website of the motel lied to us.
We were disappointed and made p for it with room service...
I got a new stuffed toy <3

BUT! Don't you hate it when you just have one of those days where you're just immeasurably cranky for no apparent reason? It's probably just hormones but fuck I hate it, and it makes me so slouchy and bleh and GAAAH! WHIIINE! I drive myself up the wall with those days where all I can do is think of these things I WANT to do and SHOULD do and COULD do but just can't be bothered to becuase I don't wanna end up disappointed or something like that. And everything everyone says or does annoys me, the tv annoys me... EVERYTHING! BUGH! Oh, and people suck...

So much for my relaxing holiday (of which pictres and videos of endless trees, caves and water will follow)... it was relaxing, now we're back in reality.

Which brings me to my next problem: the next time I get a lapse in judgment and suffer from temporary insanity in which I convince myself of the fact that I enjoy studying and that it's fun, someone please douse me with a bucket of cold water and slap me silly because FUCKING HELL I HATE IT ! 

Now even Bexx' yawning behind me, is making me annoyed and cranky, so this whine-y rant-y thing will come to an end, I'm saying to hell with homework (which I didn't get much of a chance of doing over the past week) and I shall go ... change the sheets on my bed and turn in early so I can do something tomorrow.

Some studying is required, I REALLY need to do my anatomy stuff (BUGH) and work on a business plan and read some medical article or other about pulp. SO! Early night is early in hopes that cranky annoyedness goes away and copious amount of chocolate will motivate me to do something tomorrow...

*grabs stuffed-toy shark (<3) and decidedly goes to bed*

It's been that time of the month. And it was early. Which is a sure fire way to put me in a shitty mood for days and days and to pretty much make me put my life on complete hold just so I can sit around and sulk.
Generally this sulking is accompanied by feeling ridiculously sorry for myself for all the things that I am not, that I'm not doing, the things I should be doing but am not, what I should have been, could have been and woudl have been but not and regretting some of the decisions and choce I made AAAAGES ago and cursing my lack of self-esteem and confidence all over the place.

Isn't it LOVELY to be able to give birth to naked monkeys? Such a miracle of life! Yeah, and these are the side effects, hormones oh weee! 

Anyway. These moods usually last for a week to ten days... I'm running on 11 days now due to the whole thing being early and just BLEGH! 
Before everyone starts freaking the fuck out and sending me concerned e-mails.
Yes, I'm having a good time, I'm having a fucking fabulous time, it's not Australia, being broke, or any of that that caused the minor depression, that's just what's always there and hormones + lackluster existance + it being about two years since I've had a good emotional break down about these things... it's just one of those moments in my life.
I repeat, I'm fine, it has nothing to do with homesickness or being here, I'm glad I'm here because it's a little less hopeless becuase hey, at least I'm in austrlia! 

So anyway, I'm done sulking now I've decided as it's doing nothing but increasing my anxiety about failing at life. I'm smart, I'm spending tons of money ... well... other peoples money on this, i can fucking well do this, and I fucking well will too.

SO! In order to get myself motivated, I figured this warranted an LJ post and ... people can throw stuff at me if I don't at least decimate... 80% of this to do list within the next two days. So here goes...

- Clean up the table.
- Print out all lectures
- Change sheets on bed
- Read lectures
- Have a shower
- Study anatomy
- Do some laundry
- Go pony
- Take pictures of pony teeth for assignment
- Take out trash
- Study
- Post some more
- Write that bio
- Study some more
- E-mail some people who I should have emailed ages ago but never got around to
- Make up some more klah mix
- Type up sales ad for Ty
- Study some more
- Get jumping lesson on Ty
- Organize the stuff you've studied and review the things you've done about a million times.
- Defrost the tuna
- Cook and eat the tuna
- Get a cheese pretzel
- Get over yourself
- Get over your lacking self-esteem and fucking ride your little heart out, you don't suck nearly as much as some of the people you've seen lately, so stop fucking doubting yourself about it and have some fucking fun doing it =D
- Find a job that pays for the next month and then some
- Write that bloody business plan already -___-
- Study some more anatomy so you can point it all out
- Sleep pattern. It doesn't have to be normal, it just has to exist.
- Get some vitamins into your system, you require juice
- Buy juice


Okay... that'll do for now.

In other news, because I know I haven't been updating ANYTHIN Glately, blame the hormones for that too...
No job still, savings accounts is empty safe for... oh about 20 bucks? 
I had work for a weekend, which got e a decent sum of money and it bought me my ticket to Melbourne so that's taken care off.
We're driving the Apollo rather than the Celica... The Celica had a fight with a kangaroo... we suspect the kangaroo won (I shall eventually do a post dedicated to this epic tale, it's SO australian, it has to be told)
Piggy Flu is in Rockingham is about 13 minutes from Kwinana! Hurrah! Do I get like... major credit points if I contract swine flu while I'm in Australia? 
We went road tripping, I have pictures, no you can't see. All in good time young ones.

Why yes, I am killing your friends list and why yes, I am doing it on purpose because I'm just a recalcitrant bitch like that =D

Bugh... sore, tired and begging for money. This must be what a cheap whore on her way down must feel like >.>

Went to adventure world today! Water slides and go karts and stuff. It was fun, I saw koalas and a wombat and kangaroos trying to murder/rape one another. Pictures soon as I can get off my butt and dig up the camera... So tired and burised and scrapedb ut had a great time!

And FAIRY FLOSS! *flails around with it*

Okay... ranty-mope thing. Go.
( Rant of fail with ponies/friends )

And because one drama wasn't enough to ruin my day we add another one on top of it...

( Puppy rant )

I hate it when things don't go the way I planned them, so now I'm even more upset than I was when I went to sleep...
I'm sore, I feel like crying the whole time and really everything basically sucks right now...
 

I'm going to fail my driving test tomorrow.

I don't look around enough so I'm not convincing enough in my 'seeing the rest of the traffic'
I've seen it, what mroe do you want? You really want me to be able to tell you exactly what shade of brown the colour of the eyes of the driver of the other was?! DX

"You're driving too much on the right side of the road in narrow streets."
Gee, they're narrow streets. I can predict where the stationary parked cars are going; NO WHERE! I cannot predict wheter or not the dimwit in the other car noticed me! Why is this such a wrong train of thought that it'll cost me my license?!

And then your driving instructor calmly tells the anekdote of her driver's exam and she explain how she failed to slow down for an intersection TWICE and still passed, and I fucking failed last time because I was too much on the right side of the road?!

BAgh!
I'll just use a horse and carriage or something... At least then I'll have a vehicle that can help think things through...

Failed driving exam for the most ridiculous reason ever...

So to explain to people not from around my parts... city I livei n has some wonderful narrows streets which in any sane country would be either one way streets or cycling lanes... not her,e here it's a two way street where you can also park on both sides. They put in speed bumps to slow idiots down...

So as I cruise along those streets, I'm just being a good drive,r sticking ot the speed, in my opinion nicely on the middle side of the road with enough room for oncoming traffic and enough room betwene me and the parked cars. I'm doing 25km/h or so in a 30km/h zone... no problem since I'm approaching a speed bump anyway...

All is going just dandy when some FUCKER from the 'woningstichting' decides to suddenly, without any indication (no blinkers or nothing) to just start his car and immediatly swerve onto the road fomr his parking spot, onto my lane. Nevermind the fact that there's MY car way too close to EVER cut infront of. So as I'm responding (because there was half a dozen cyclists arund me too) the examinator immediatly went into a fit of "WATCH OUT! D*" And jerked the wheel around...

So, I figure it would be my mistake since clearly the fucker in the van wasn't paying attention and not me...

We drive on, there's a curve in the road.. I'm doing 50km/h as I'm allowed... I looksideways in the overdramatic theatrical fashion they want me to, so the curve to the left gets a bit big.. no big dea, but there happens ot be a car parked on that side of the road too, so I get a bit cose. NOt even ridiculously so, just a bit and as I go to correct it, examinator dude again jerks the wheel around in a fit of "WATCH OUT! D8"

So maybe that last one was my bad, but now he flunked me merely because I got to close ot the parked cars on my right... according to him.

Other than that I drove just spiffy and all went well, I even managed to park the car twice without killing anyone and while keeping the car in tact...

UGH! I'm so annoooooyed. I've neer had that problem of driving too much on the right.. well yeah.. the first time driving but after that, never...! It's jsut so stupid and I insist the first time I wasn't even too close t othe car, the fucktardi n the van just wasn't awake yet!

GRAWR!

But yeah... I failed... going ot do the test again probably in october since i said I wouldn't be available all of september. Then I'll get a few lessons to freshen up (since technically there was nothing wrong with my driving.. just... unfortunate turn of events...) and do it again and hopefully be more lucky then... bugh...

Now my brain can't figure out wheter it wants to pass out and sleep off my crabbyness or if it just wants to start pounding with a fierce head ache bordering on migraine...

As a silver linign dad was nice enough to offer ot pay for the second exam. Since he agree with me it was a bit stupid to fail me on something like that... Not like I stuck too close ot the right side on a 5 lane high way or something... it's a friggin' narrow road..!

TGIO!

Can't be bothered ranting again os here; have a chatlog. Courtesy of me and bexx_t_h .
( Read more... )

Okay... emo word vomit... beware...

I feel bleh just entirely and completely bleh and for no reason whatsoever other than that I'm feeling bleh. I'm tired regardless of how long I sleep, I have ZERO motivation for anything even though I wanna do a lot of things. I did a ton of tun things lately and exams aren't even bothering me much anymore and this wekened hsould be awesome so iv'e all these great things to look forward ot and yet i feel blegh. I just can't bring myself to do much of anything. I haven't left the house ofr more than 15 minutes in total today and that was to walk the dog, I've spend the resto f the day sitting in my room nerding away on my laptop and evne on here it's all bleh.
RP is boring, writing is a hopeless circle o' fail, everything bother and irritates me and I have a mild headache to oand it won't go away.

I'm feeling all lethargic and hung over and ther'es so many things I should be doing.... I shoul look into my license and go over there (since I can't make phonecalls to save my soul) but that menas going out of my room and facing people and I should shower because I feel blegh.. haven't showered since monday which isn't too dreadfully long but it just makems e fele ugh but I don't wana nshower because a huge spider keeps freaking me the fuck out whenever I'm there. It's not supposed to be there because dad checked the air vent thingy and it was all clear, I even dared ot look for myself nad he's right there is no spider yet everytime i shower he fucking comes down from the air vent thing. It bothers me and it makes shower all blegh too.

So basically everything is blegh and emo and i'm so tired of everytihgn and I want all these things that ican't have right now and now my headache is even worse because I've been staring at this blakc and white print the whole time and just GAAAAH!

It's like winter depression all over again. Sick of it.

Dear world, please stop sucking. kthnxbye.